Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
