I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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