I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I deserve this hangover.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
