And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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