I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
