Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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