apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
