I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
