Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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