Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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