the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
