how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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