I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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