y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
