somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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