Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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