Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
