remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize