omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize