either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
