we have pet lesbian snakes
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
