I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We named our party play list daddy issues
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
