All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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