theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
