Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
