I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
