I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
