I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
