so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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