If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
