I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This is classic penis vs brain.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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