I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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