I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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