I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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