Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
