ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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