So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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