after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
