Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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