What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
