My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
