I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
