fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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