I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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