I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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