It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
