I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
