Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
