Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
