Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
