Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
