Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
