It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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