The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
