you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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