its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
