I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
