I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
