tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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