he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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