had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
