if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want to make out with him forever
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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