My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
