I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
