i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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