playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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