That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
