We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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