but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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