Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
