why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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