i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
