better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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