i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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