Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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