did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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