he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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