You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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