There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
