Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
