i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we made out on top of his cat.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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