We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My vagina is officially offended.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
