Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
