I got chris browned last night
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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