Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
