I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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