I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
