just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
