Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
