O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Pants are for mortals
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
