nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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