Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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